Having raised foster kids with special needs and worked with many others in schools, I know quite a bit about the subject of parenting them. Without doubt Different Dream Parenting; A Practical Guide to Raising a Child with Special Needs by Jolene Philo is the most helpful book on the topic I've ever seen. It's loaded with practical advice and resources for every stage of the lives of special kids from birth to adulthood and even includes a section about coping with death of a special child. The author tells of her own experience and quotes many other parents who have children with special needs.
The book has a strong Christian message, but even readers who are not religious will find the vast collection of helpful information worth the purchase price.